“Do you wear a uniform, or do you just fancy those who do?” This is the tag-line for Uniformdating.com. So, what kind of uniforms are they talking about? The luminous, oversized and invariably unflattering fleeces of the supermarket staff? A clown's outfit - oversized shoes and a comedy wig? The brown, beige and orange nylon horrors of the local opticians? A giant bear mascot suit? Well, the advert shows a fireman, nurses and the like. Surely joining this site would just be setting yourself up for a massive disappointment – chances are it is either full of the uniform fanciers, or cleaners, traffic wardens and canteen ladies, complete with hair-nets and tabbards.
The point surely isn't that people just fancy people who wear uniforms. It is not the uniform itself, but rather what it represents, that is important. The reason most people suit a certain type of uniform is simply the sense of heroic achievement and power that comes with it. The reason Ann Summers sells nurses' uniforms rather than Homebase ones is because people like pretending that they are in charge, that they have some sort of important power. Not over your purchase of the latest drill-bit, but over your life. These people are here to protect you. If you like being the patient, it is probably because putting your health in somebody else's hands is slightly scary and thrilling.
At the same time, putting someone in a uniform gives them the appearance of somebody who is confident and competent. For those of us who feel insecure and flustered at the best of times, this is definitely a useful quality in a partner. Imagine having your own hero at your fingertips. This is why , at the end of “An Officer and a Gentleman”, Richard Gere walks on in a smart-looking white Navy officer's uniform and literally sweeps Debra Winger off her feet. Had he been wearing an old pair of jeans and a sweaty t-shirt, the scene would have been far less effective. He would just have been a normal person then, rather than the perfect romantic hero that people, especially women, grow up idealising.
While most of us quickly realise that our heroes and heroines do not need to wear uniforms or have obviously heroic jobs, some people would clearly still like to focus their dating attentions on this rather narrow market. I can't help but wonder whether the users of uniformdating.com would be bitterly disappointed if they went out on a date with a “nurse”, only to find the only uniform she owned was a slightly too-small nylon Ann Summer's one. Conversely, who amongst us, who wear uniforms in their job would be happy dating someone who (originally) only liked you for your uniform?
Still, I felt decidedly giddy a couple of years ago when I had to help a young, uniformed fireman give me a DNA sample (by spitting in a tube – very un-sexy). I felt even more awkward because his colleagues were standing near us, making fun of his inability to spit quickly. Clearly, the uniform effect doesn't really die off – even for happily married, otherwise sensible women. On the other hand, I recently encountered a disarmingly handsome pest control guy – and his uniform was definitely not sexy. What it boils down to is the person inside the uniform – whether they are an air stewardess or a mascot monkey in a dress. However, should you happen to have an old, white Naval Officer's uniform lying around, feel free to pass it on to me...
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