Do ensure you pack as much food as possible - you never know, maybe you will suddenly be blocked off from all civilization.
Do feel unbearably smug as you set off; safe in the knowledge that you have indeed catered for your family, and you are clearly the only people who have thought of doing anything as wholesome as camping.
Do wipe that smug out-doorsey grin off your face as you realise with some embarrassment, that you have in fact left the towel at home - as well as the bowls. Of course, you won't realise this until you are too far into the Yorkshire Dales to do anything about it - at this point, your mobile has no reception and the local supermarket seems to stock nothing you actually want. Other than weirdly flourescent jam tarts which you allow the kids to buy in a moment of weakness, only to realise that they had paid no attention when you explained in the shop, that they are in fact jam tarts, rather than mince pies, and that they will not last long enough to give them to Father Christmas. We never did see any towels - how the dales folk shower is a mystery. Perhaps they drip-dry.
Do feel oddly satisfied as you decide you can obviously just use your slightly manky linen skirt as a towel - why not? This must be what all those camping enthusiasts refer to as proper, rough camping. Along with the 4 small sponges your husband bought from another nearby supermarket, in lieu of a towel, we will be just fine.
Don't attempt to help too much with putting up the tent - unless you are already a seasoned camper. Just stand well back in a supervisory role, and do as you are told. After a while, you may have picked up enough technical terms to make clever-sounding comments, which will boost your confidence no end.
Don't panic as the realisation slowly dawns on you, that your children are very hyper and you will need to spend time with them in a tiny, enclosed space. When did they become so noisy and how do you switch them off?
Do feel happy and snug as they fall asleep quickly, all crammed into said tiny space.
Do resist the temptation to push a cow down the hill, aiming it at the tent containing the world's loudest man, who is happily reading Trivial Pursuit questions out (very) loud to his fellow holiday makers. At 11 'o' clock at night.
Don't worry about going to the toilet in the middle of the night, putting it off for hours in the sure knowledge that when you do go down there, an axe murderer will be waiting for you. This is pretty unlikely. Though stranger things have happened.
Do remember to plan ahead, before venturing down the campsite hill to shower. Otherwise, you may find yourself without clean knickers, or a hair band. Still, you could improvise and use your toddler's filthy leggings to hold your hair up. This, along with the wet linen skirt-cum-towel makes you feel like a total failure as a camper, and an adult. Especially when you have to walk out of the showers and up the hill wearing white linen trousers and, ahem, no knickers. Only then does it occur to you that you could have worn the old, dirty knickers. Still, never mind, at least you held the dirty laundry in front of you protectively.
Don't point and laugh as you show your husband the large cardboard sick-bucket in another family's car. This will make you look very rude.
Do feel totally, over-the-top excited when you and your family find actual, real-life, proper fossils at Hardraw Force (the largest un-broken waterfall in England).
Don't make a random child panic as you smile at her in a wide-eyed, excited way and offer her a fossil. To her, you look like a crazy stranger proffering a small black rock. She will shake her head in quiet terror.
When you have returned safely home, and you find yourself attempting to relax the next day, do stay calm instead of nearly weeping and begging your children to please stop bickering, while you silently wonder why they are so annoying. Wish you were here?
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